Your book acknowledges all that a pregnant woman gives up to have a baby. And it's a lot. What does she gain? What makes this worth it? What can you tell a woman who is unexpectedly pregnant right now and who's really struggling?
I'm the first to recognize all that you give up to bring a new life into the world. I've done this six times, and not one was easy. I'm still in the thick of parenting---I'm close to fifty and an empty nest is fifteen years away! This was not my choice or my plan.
The biggest thing you give up when you go through an unplanned pregnancy is your own plan for your life. You have to give up your own sense of control over your life, and recognize this other plan. We always think we know best. We always want to be in complete control. But that's not reality. Things happen to us all the time that remind us we're not in control. And sometimes when those things happen—cancer, a failing marriage, a child who's going awol—we need to fight back.
But there are other times when it's not about resistance, but about relinquishment. People often think of this as something passive or something weak. It's not. Relinquishment is not giving up—it's giving over one set of things you thought were important to make room for another set. And it's anything but passive or weak. The women I interviewed were incredibly strong. They chose to keep this baby they initially didn't want, or weren't thrilled about. And they kept going. One woman with a teenager in a wheelchair, another daughter, and 8 months pregnant with an unexpected baby. Her husband is called to Iraq for 2 years. She has the baby without him. Another woman is teaching full time, and is doing her masters at the same time. She finds out she's pregnant—with twins! She has to keep going—teaching, taking grad classes at night.
What they gained, what each one of us in this book gained is not only a child who loves us—who is born loving us! We not only gain all of that love, but we ourselves are stronger. We didn't give up, we didn't give in when others would advise us saying, "oh, you don't have to have this baby. That's too hard." Well, we did have our babies, and we end up far more resilient, far more open to change. We didn't cut ourselves off from this other plan even though it was hard. Sometimes it costs us more to try and avoid pain than walking through it.
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